To all the Single Ladies…or Single Moms

Words mean something. They have definitions and connotations that are implied with them. The difference between single ladies and single moms is significant even though they are in fact both groups of single women. I wanted to discuss the term single mom as I have found its use very interesting over the past few years. A few days ago I was at a baby shower and I heard someone say, “I guess it’s time to head home now. Back to being a single mom.” At other times I have heard “These past 4 years I have basically been a single mom with my husband at school so much.” This is something I have heard on countless occasions since moving here. I want to publicly say I find this offensive. Not offensive where it makes me upset, just where it makes me annoyed. I usually end up rolling my eyes and giving my smug smile back (that is the one with no teeth). I find this offensive first and foremost because I was raised by a single mom (not to say my dad wasn’t around because he was, I just lived with my mom and saw what it was like to be a single mom). I think the women who use this term incorrectly are actually thinking of the term STAY AT HOME MOM. The definition of that is someone who is financially supported by their spouse while they have the opportunity to stay home and take care of their children. This could mean that the husband has loans, a job, or has finagled money from the government (ZING) but regardless of how they received the money, they provide the overall financial support. Single moms actually have to work all day, go home take care of their kids, the house, the bills, the errands, help with homework, make meals, etc. all between the hours of 5pm and before they have to leave for work the next day. Some moms, including my own, actually had an evening job as well as a day job. Single moms don’t typically get to go to the gym in the morning, go to the mall in the afternoon, hang out with friends over lunch. These are all things the stay at home moms get to enjoy. I think it would be best if everyone just agreed that being a stay at home mom is not the same as being a single mom no matter how "busy" the husband is.  It is not only inaccurate but disrespectful to compare oneself with people who don’t have the financial or emotional support that husbands provide. Next time I am at a baby shower I want to hear “I guess it’s time to head home now. Back to being a stay at home mom.” However, if some women are convinced that they are “practically single moms” we can ask them how they feel since statistically speaking 50% of them will be divorced and then will actually become single moms at some point in their lives. Since I am into social research, maybe this is a project I can take up 15 years from now and let you know how they feel about the term then. 

This one’s for you mom : )